Never Give Up

"Vrrrroomm…" The blue toy car was propelled around the tight curve constructed by hundreds of multicolored lego blocks, the tire just barely toughing the wall before straitening out and continuing down the track. It struggled along the bumpy surface, trying to keep strait along the horribly narrow stretch. Just one mistake could send it crashing in a fiery inferno. Another turn was approaching. It accelerated, knowing that just around here was the end of the line, then it would be free. But that was never going to happen. It caught the corner of the wall and went flying up into the air, spinning and whirling in slow motion, before landing, upside down, on a large incomplete puzzle board. It spun slowly on it's hood about ninety degrees before stopping.
The white-haired boy sat back, staring at the little car for a moment before looking back at his lego track. He raised a small finger and twisted a lock of his hair around it as he thought, planning out how to fix it. The track needed to be wider, he finally decided, then he could race two. Moving back on his hands and knees, he went to work dissembling the structure he had spent all day making. No matter, he would just spend all night making a new one.
The very last glow from the evening illuminated the messy room just enough for young Near to see vaguely what he was doing. Darkness always made him slightly nervous, but as long as there was a small bit of light, it never bothered him. A little light was all he needed to see. That was something he had been taught ever since he could speak here at Wammy's House. All you needed was just a little clue; one single clue and the puzzle could be solved. Not many were able to master that technique, but he was. Near was the best; that's what they said, anyway. Even Mello said it. 'Stupid Near! Always has to be number one.' The lego snapped out of it's place and joined the growing pile as Nears eyes flickered.
He didn't always feel like number one. Sure, he got the best scores, always won the competitions, never lost a game, but he was far from the best. Near's chin grew closer to the floor as he continued dissembling the wall, arms parallel to the ground as he rested his head in the crook of his elbow. He was the worst when it came to people. The very bottom of the grid. He hadn't left his room in three days and before that it had been two whole weeks. He just never… liked people. They upset him, made him nervous. He couldn't even make eye contact well. Near sunk further into the floor. There was also the issue of independence or rather, lack of. He could do nothing without someone's help. How old was he now? Twelve. He was twelve and he still had Roger give him baths. His face buried itself in his arm, hand resting idly on top of the broken lego wall. He was so useless. How could he hope to succeed L, the greatest detective in the entire world if he couldn't even bathe himself?
A groan escaped his closed lips as he nuzzled his arm. He had never seen L, but he was sure he was the most social-savvy person on earth. Near was positive that, although he said he was isolated, it was a lie. He just never introduced himself as L to anyone. L probably had tons of aliases, which only made sense. Aliases, disguises, the whole works. There was no way L was as isolated as he said. Watari and Roger were always trying to push him to be more social, especially Watari. No doubt orders from L that if Near did not become more socially apt, he would name Mello as his successor. That would be best, actually. He was too weak to be L.
He heard the door slowly open and nearly silent footsteps on the carpet Near spent more time laying on then his bed. "I'm not hungry, Roger…" Near hummed softly into his arm, waiting for the demand to speak up. There was no response except the door slowly closing shut, followed by the click of the lock falling into place. Immediately, he felt the beginnings of fear clutching at his chest. Something was wrong.
"Roger…?" Near asked, lifting his head up from his arm. His eyes met almost complete blackness, the twilight illumination now gone and all he could see were shadows that flickered and moved about ominously. He tried to follow them with his wide, grey eyes, but it was impossible. They were just shadows, maybe the door had just been his imagination. Wait. Was that a figure? Quickly pushing himself up, Near carefully stepped over his toys, white stockinged feet falling right between the scattered cars and puzzle pieces, to the small lamp beside his bed. With two clicks, electric light illuminated the room, casting what seemed like even deeper shadows. Blinking rapidly as his eyes adjusted, he scanned the room, looking for his mystery guest. He saw no one, but that feeling that he was not alone did not go away in the least.
"Hello…?" No answer. Near circled around in place as he scanned his room again, thinking he had missed something. "Please, stop hiding. … I'll call Roger." He threatened, convinced this was Mello or one of the other kids trying to pull a prank on him.
"Ohhh… will you now? What a treat! I thought I scared that old man away years ago." A slightly rasped voice hummed behind him. Near turned around just in time to see a tall man dressed entirely in black step out of the shadowy corner, flashing a toothy grin. His black jeans seemed slightly too long and bunched around his bare feet, falling behind his heels. The shaggy black hair that donned the top of his head fell into his brow but was unable to hide the almost glowing red eyes. The eyes, however, were not what really shocked Near. Those were nothing compared to the man's shadowed face. Skin that should have been smooth and soft was leathery and puckered, like a web of tiny wires were threaded just beneath his skin. However, he somehow still managed that grin, which contorted the man's face even more then it already was. They were burn scars, Near was sure, and, judging by the fact that they did not diminish in the least as they traveled down his neck, he guessed they covered his whole body.
Near stood still, keeping himself from appearing afraid as the man took another steep closer. "Who are you?" Near asked cautiously. He had never seen a mad man before, but someone who wore a grin that wide and for that long was certainly not sane. Sure enough the man cackled deeply, almost sounding like something was caught in his throat.
"You don't know? I thought you were L's little lap puppy." He purred, continuing to step closer until he was coming too close for his comfort which, for Near, was about a five foot radius. Near mirrored the movement backwards, but he didn't get very far. In two horribly small steps, he was backed against the wall, trapped as the man grew even closer. "He's really told you nothing about me? I have to admit my appearance has… taken a turn for the worse since the last time I walked these halls, so, I'll forgive you, I suppose. Aren't I a nice guy?" He broke into another fit of giggles as he finally, mercifully stopped advancing. He was now inches away from Near, the cheshire cat grin bearing down on him like something out of horror.
The man bent down to look him in the eyes, face mere centimeters from his as the odd red eyes scanned him. He took on a serious expression as he looked him all over, like he was examining a cow for auction. "Mmm… lets see…" He hummed to himself, then began murmuring inaudible things under his breath, occasionally shaking his head slightly. Suddenly, the grin appeared again and his eyes twinkled like he had just discovered something wonderful. "A sheep!" He cried triumphantly, the strong sent of over-sweet strawberries with a slight tinge of copper blowing onto Near's face. "You look just like a little lamb! A cute little lamb! Bah for me little lamby…" A hand suddenly came up and grasped Near's bottom jaw, moving it up and down in an attempt to get the boy to make sheep noises. "Bah bah bah..."
Near's hand came up and pushed the man's away, earning him an over exaggerated look of surprise. "Don't touch me…" He said defiantly, staring the man in the face. This man was clearly as mad as a hatter, whoever he was, and getting as far away from him as posable and then calling Roger seemed like the best idea at this point. While the man was still caught in his over-dramatic expression, Near made an attempt to slip to from between the man and the wall. He was unsuccessful.
Expression changing again to one of irritation, the man reached out and grabbed Near's arm, pulling the thin boy back violently and slamming him back against the wall. He gasped from the impact and pulled against the man's vice-like grip, using his other hand to try to pry the fingers off. Looking up he saw the grin had returned, but not as wide. "Now, that's not nice, lamby." Suddenly, his other hand shot up and pinched the skin just beneath his nostril, digging fingernails into the sensitive facial skin. Near gasped again as he felt the skin break and warm blood leak from the opening. Pulling at the arm to try and get him to stop, the attempt only made the wound more jagged. Then, just as it felt as if he was about to rip the bit of flesh off, he let go, turning his head to admire him blood-covered fingertips. Near's free hand shot up to cover the wound, staring at the madman with a new horror. "Little lambys should learn to do as their told," He hummed, smearing the blood along Near's lips. "or else they might get eaten up by wolves…" The reddened fingers moved from the boy's lips to his own, a red tongue shooting out to lick up a bit of the coppery liquid. "Like me. KYAHAHAHAHA!"
The laugh continued as the man released Near's arm and took a few steps backwards. Both hands moved to cover his upper lip, attempting to stop the blood from dripping onto his snow white pajamas. Grey eyes watched the man as he walked slowly about his room, pushing the majority of his toys into a pile in the middle of the room unceremoniously. "What do you want?" Near managed to force out, the taste of blood on his lips making him want to gag. The man's head shot up, staring blankly for a moment, then morphing into a wistful smile.
"I was wondering when you would ask…" He purred, moving closer to him again. "I want the little lamby to take me to my precious Lawli-pop." Near's eyebrows creased in confusion. His… what? This man really was insane! He flattened himself against the wall again as the man stopped inches away from him. "He's been ever so elusive, but his little lap puppy will surly know…" Near suddenly understood. L. He wanted to see L. Who on earth was this man? How could he know he was L's successor? Only Wammy's children knew anything about the L process and he - my appearance has... taken a turn for the worse since the last time I walked these halls. What he had said earlier suddenly hit him. This insane man was a Wammy's child, there was no doubt. Burn scars, red eyes, obsession with L… there was no denying who he was now that the evidence was all lined up. This was B, L's largest and most embarrassing mistake.
He didn't blame himself for not realizing it right away. B was a forbidden topic in the orphanage. His name was like a jinx and the only thing anyone knew about him was that he used to be the best, but he went completely mad, killing three people and nearly burning himself alive in the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases two years ago. Near was only a toddler when B was still walking the halls of Wammy's and he ran away before his fifth birthday. He never even met B, in fact, most people seemed to avoid him even then. Only Mello seemed to know a fair about about who B really was, the rumors saying the he and B were actually quite close back then. Mello never confirmed or denied it, but no one judged him too harshly on the connection. He had been only seven at the time, after all. No one knew B would become a sadistic serial killer.
Now, nearly seven years later, B was back, standing in front of him with that horrible menacing grin. Want him, Near, to lead him to L. To do what? What did this madman want with L? Surly nothing good, the more obvious conclusion would be to kill him. Near hardened his face. Well, that was not going to happen. He would never point B to L. Never.
"No, B, I won't…" He said, sounding far more confident then he felt. Beyond's eyes glistened and he cackled lightly.
"You recognized me!" He cried in excitement, causing Near to jump slightly. "I knew Lawli would tell you something about me! I'm far too memorable to forget. Kyehehe..." There was a pause as he seemed to think for a moment. "It's a shame you won't help me though… I was hoping to just get in and out of here, but I suppose I can't make little lamby cooperate. Oh wait…" His smile took on a cheshire nature as he ran his finger along Near's jawbone. "yes I can."
"I'm not afraid of you, Beyond Birthday. You're just another criminal!" He responded, pushing his hand away again. Now that he knew who the man was, he didn't seem quite as frightening. Now, at least, he knew what his assailant was capable of. Although, now that Near thought about it, that was not necessarily a good thing to know. B's grin faded a bit before morphing into a snarl and slamming the side of Near's face into the wall. He felt B lean horribly close, swallowing hard at the sound of his hot breath in his ear.
"You really should be, Nate River." He hissed into his ear. "I am far more then an ordinary criminal." Nears eyes widened, despite himself. How did this man know his name? Was he Kira? No, that would be stupid. He was a criminal. Besides L proved that Kira was, in fact, in Japan while B had been locked away in a maximum security asylum for the past two years and had been 'killed' by a heart attack only three months ago. Well, apparently, he was not dead. The heart attack had been a fake and he was now loose, searching for his revenge on L.
"I-I'm not scared!" Near cried, mentally kicking himself for the stutter that gave him away. Beyond burst into laughter right by his ear. The horrible sound rang though out his whole brain like the tolling of a bell.
"Such a lier! Your cute little tremors give you away, lamby." He cackled. Suddenly, Near stiffened as he felt something cold and sharp poke his cheek. He did not need to look over at the handle in B's hand to know it was a knife. Where did that come from? Suddenly, Near's heart jumped up to his throat, beating like a terrified rabbit. It abruptly hit him that it was very likely he could die tonight at the hands of this man who had no qualms about killing. "Why don't you just tell me where you're hiding my Lawli-pop, hmmm?"
Closing his eyes, Near answered. "No… I won't ever tell you." He could almost feel B's scowl and the knife point suddenly poked though Near's skin, continuing right through his cheek. The metallic taste of the knife mixed with the coppery blood overwhelmed his mouth, causing him to gag again, silencing his cry of pain.
"Helpless little lamby…" He hummed calmly as he slowly dragged the knife downward, slicing though Near's cheek about an inch before pulling the knife out. Reflexive tears of pain gathered in his eyes and dripped down his face, racing the slow-moving line of blood as it wandered down his face and neck, moving right across his pajamas, staining the pure white with that dark crimson. Beyond released him again, allowing him to double over, coughing as the rest of the blood flowed into his mouth. It threw him into a fit of gagging, the mix of blood and saliva dripping out of his mouth onto the floor. B observed this display with a grin that was not lost on Near. Then, suddenly, he pouted. "You really aren't any fun… you can't even fight back like Lawli. Useless, really."
"I'm not useless!" Near cried weakly, leaning on the wall for support as he glared up at B, who's grin returned at the outburst.
"Oh your not, huh? That's precious. Well, if you're not completely useless…" He lunged forward, grabbing Near by the throat and plastering him against the wall, digging the blood-saturated knife into his chin. "Then do something, hmmm? Prove it."
"S-stop!" Near cried out, eyes locked on the knife so parlously close to his throat. All it would take was a single swipe from this man and his life would be over. Just like that. Beyond cackled.
"Not a very polite lamb, are you? What do we say?" The madman hummed, clearly reveling in every frantic beat of Near's heart. Near swallowed, the hand around his thought was getting so tight. He could still breath, but just barely.
"P-please… stop…" Near begged, his eyes closed, not wanting to see the triumph that he knew would be plastered on B's face. He heard the cackle and suddenly, the knife against his chin was gone. Just as he opened his eyes, Near was thrown to the floor by his neck. He hit with a quiet moan, but recovered quickly. Rolling around on his back, he looked up at B grinning over him and scrambled away from him, pushing himself with his feet. He only stopped when his back made contact with the corner of the room. Beyond slowly stepped closer, twirling the knife between his fingers with a sly smile. "Stop, B! Leave me alone!"
"So pathetic… You really can't do anything to defend yourself, can you? L really should reconsider his decision…" Taking him by surprise, Beyond swung his foot around and hit Near hard in the side, causing him to fall to the floor again. Before he could sit up, B planted his bare foot on his chest, making him stay on the floor. "You don't even try to fight back… It would be so easy to just cut out your little tongue." There was a pause as he leaned down, placing the knife by the corner of his mouth. "Maybe I should… it might make L realize how useless you really are." Stiffly, Near shook his head.
"I'm… not useless!" He exclaimed, causing B to raise an eyebrow. "L chose me, I-" He was suddenly silenced as B's foot came slamming down on his chest, forcing the air out of his lungs. He gasped like a fish, trying get air, but devolved into a fit of coughing as he inhaled some of the blood in his mouth.
"Yes, my naive little lamb, he might have chosen you, but you're just his toy. He'll throw you out as soon as he gets bored with you, just like he did to myself and A. A killed himself, but I fought back. I wonder what you'll do…" B mused, gently stroking Near's jaw bone with the knife. Near's eyes turned hard.
"I'm nothing like you!" He cried, pushing the knife and B's hand away. L would not throw him away and he wouldn't toss out Mello ether. While L might be selfish and cold sometimes, he refused to accept that he was heartless. "He only threw you away because you're insane and killed people!" Beyond burst into laughter and fell on his knees, pinning Near's upper arms and looming over him, head tilted slightly as he smiled. Near suddenly felt very much like a lamb, a lamb before the slaughter.
"He threw me out before I killed people, precious." He hissed, tongue darting over his teeth. "He's a spoiled little bastard who only uses people. But he'll only play with people it they are fun. Like any smart child, he throws out the useless toys."
"Stop calling me useless!" Near whimpered. "And I won't tell you where L is! I never will!"
"But you are useless!" Beyond responded cheerfully. "The only thing lambs are good for is eating…" Releasing his grip on Near's right arm, he brought the knife down on his wrist, pushing just hard enough to break the skin across the length of the knife. "But if you're not useless, why don't you stop me from cutting your hand off?" Breathing heavily, Near stared up at Beyond, the fear so clear in his eyes.
"Stop…" He murmured weakly and B pushed harder on the cut, slowly pushing further down. "S-stop…" Beyond suddenly scowled.
"Stop! Stop! Stop!" He whined in an impression of a two-year-old child, mocking Near. "Is that all you can say! What are you going to do if I don't stop, huh? Call for Roger? L? Watari? Are you going to hit me?" A sly smile. "Are you going to cry?" Sharply, he yanked the knife away, causing Near to gasp. More blood spilled from his body, flowing down his wrist and onto his palm where it trickled through his fingers and onto the floor. He twitched his fingers slightly and winced as pain shot through his hand. It hurt so bad… would he even be able to use it again?
"Well, since you won't tell me where he is…" Beyond hummed, twirling the knife around before dangling it between his thumb and forefinger right over Near's nose. "You'll just have to send Lawli-pop a little message for me." There was another fit of giggles as B suddenly yanked down his right sleeve to his elbow. Fear shot though Near's eyes as the tip of the blade touched the smooth white skin of his underarm.
"W-what are you doing?" Near whimpered. Beyond only smiled down at him before moving his head to look directly down at his forearm. Suddenly, the knife sliced across his skin deeply, cutting though his muscles with ease. It took all Near had to keep from screaming. He bit his down on his lip, eyes clenched tight as moans of pain escaped him. The knife rotated beneath his skin and was dragged back at a forty-five degree angle, then a ninety degree, then a forty-five again. The knife never left his skin as Beyond carefully carved. Crying out in pain, Near desperately flailed his arm, gripping at B's midnight black shirt before letting go and hitting the wall with a thump. His feet kicked at the other wall, as if trying to push the pain away.
Then, wonderfully, the foreign metal left his skin as it connected with the first incision B had made. But this torture wasn't over, he nearly burst into tears as he felt the blade descend again only an inch down his arm and repeat the process all over again. "Scream little lamby." Beyond hissed. Near groaned and kicked the wall, breaking down into sobs. "Ahh! N-no! Stop!" Near cried, attempting to hit B's side, but falling a few inches short. He felt so dizzy from the pain, drowning in it. B's cackling laughter echoing though him as the knife once again left his skin.
Near could hardly open his eyes, he felt so weak, keeping his lips parted slightly as a line of blood tricked out of the corner of his mouth. Looking over, he focused his sight on his arm. The letters B B were carved into his arm, so dark they looked like they were written in ink, not his skin and blood. Shifting his gaze upward he saw the knife looming just to the right of his face, but the sight didn't cause fear in him this time. He didn't care what Beyond did to him anymore.
"Now you can always remember how weak and useless you are. Kyehehe..." The giggle dragged Near's gaze back down where B's face lingered over his lower chest, black hair covering his face. His body shook as he giggled madly. "This is so precious! You think you've protected L? Kyahahah! Here's a little secret, lamby. I know he's in Japan searching for Kira… it's just a matter of finding him. I was hoping you could take out that irritating little roadblock, but I will find him anyway. He will not escape me."
Suddenly the knife vanished to where ever it had come from to begin with. It felt as if an entire lifetime had passed from that moment when B had first pilled it out. Near felt B's grip on his left arm release. Whimpering slightly, he reached over and pulled his mutilated arm close to him, cradling it protectively. He had never felt so venerable in his life, blood smearing his cloths  and salty tears falling down his face, making the cut on his cheek sting horribly. Beyond grinned down at the damage he had caused. Not bad for an evening.
"You be a good lamby and give L my little message, hmm?" B said, ruffling Near's hair playfully. "And just a little tip… if you smile more, people will like you better." Near coughed weakly as he felt a thumb on the corner of his mouth, dragging it up far to much, creating some sort of horrifying half-grin. "That's better…" B purred, letting go of his mouth. Near turned his head away slightly. He was done wasn't he? Why couldn't he just leave?
"You've been fun, Nate… maybe I'll come back and visit you sometime. Kyehehehe!" Near winced as he felt lips lightly peck his cheek and he opened his eyes again to see Beyond standing and walking calmly away. Unable to look elsewhere, Near watched as the madman walked over to the door, unlocking it and opening it slightly. "Farewell, my precious little lamb." With that, he was gone.
The room fell into a calm silence as if he had never even come. Near laid there, feeling as if he were about to pass out. Sleep sounded wonderful right then, to just sink into that enveloping darkness. It would feel like falling down on a feather mattress after being on your feet all day. However, something told him that if he feel asleep he would never wake up. He had lost so much blood, he could feel it pool beneath him. So? Another voice retorted. Beyond had confirmed everything he had been thinking before. He was helpless and useless. Why would L choose him over the strong, confident Mello? And even if he did, he would soon realize the mistake and throw him away, like B said. Near curled himself in a ball. No, there was no point for him to live anymore.
He closed his eyes, immersing himself in the warm darkness. Suddenly, a little light went on in his mind, reminding him horribly of all the physical pain he was in just as it was ready to feel it drift away. At first, he felt angry, but then, he began to think. He didn't have to be in this pain… he chose it. Why? Why did he let B cut him up like a pice of raw meat? It was for L, wasn't it? He, a twelve-year-old boy, had protected the greatest detective in the world, someone he had never even met. Near felt a rush of pride corse through him and, with great effort, he forced himself to sit up, leaning against the corner of the wall for support. All of the pain and humiliation Beyond had thrown at him was all been useless, because Near was stronger then that. He was stronger then B. It didn't matter that B already knew where L was or that he might even run into him at some point. What mattered was that it had not been Near, L's own successor, that had betrayed him.
Near, still gingerly cradling his arm, looked down at the bloody limb. Whimpering slightly with pain, he turned it so the gory initials faced him, staring him in the face with that cheshire cat grin he would never be able to forget. BB. He knew what they stood for and what kind of message they would send to L: Beyond Birthday, Beyond's Back, he is coming to hunt you down and he won't rest until he finds you. However, they meant something entirely different as Near looked down at them through his fogged, pain-drugged eyes. A ghost of a smile tugged at his lips as the rest of the words formed in his mind's eye.
Be Brave.